It's Your Career

Overcoming Fear - I own that concept

I tell audiences and classes that I own the concept of overcoming fear.  They believe me.  Really, they do.

I don't whip out papers showing title or deeds.  I tell stories.  There can be no doubt after one of my stories that I own the concept.

The great thing about the concept is that my ownership is not exclusive.  Anyone can own it.  I am surprised by the number of people I meet who don't know that.  So I talk.  I talk a lot.  Sharing my stories.  Giving advice, tips, tools.  I have found that is one of the things I do best.

Now with the Confidence Academy, I am sharing those ideas on stages at workshops, in front of church groups, and in one on one coaching. 

Know a group that would benefit from an hour presentation?  Or a two day workshop.  Give me a call.

Developing confident and successful professionals.

 April 24, 2012 news and announcements: 

This week's coaching assignment - Take quiet time each week to put thoughts down in a journal or to meditate/contemplate/reflect on projects.   Allow your imagination to work on what could be.  In a positive direction.  Think about the kinds of questions you ask yourself.  And work on asking a better set of questions.

I am very excited about the interviews one of my coaching clients had in San Jose, California.  Best of success Chris!

Finished filming first session of subscription series of videos in Chicago.  We have a few new vidoes coming out in the coming weeks - better lighting, different content. 

We just launched this 2012 Personal Presentation Skills Subscription Series.

Training modules include:

• 23 tips on gaining confidence and overcoming fear of speaking in public
  
• How to use social media, including Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Pinterest, to position yourself for better opportunities
• 12 ways to use personal presentation skills to gain self-confidence
• Key confidence tools for real estate agents
  
• Practice makes perfect, and gets you past the fear of public speaking
• How to gain confidence in sales pitches, new client meetings and listing presentations
• Interviews with experts and speakers on how they prepare to get onstage

We are still preparing our first Confidence Academy workshops of the year on Overcoming the Fear of Speaking in Public - still taking registrations for our Skokie event on May 18 and 19 from 8 am - noon.  Breakfast and box lunch will be provided.  $240 per person.  Working on  Evanston and Chicago venues for June events.  

Still working on intro videos.  We will be posting videos here and on YouTube in the next week.  Here is the first one - The Confidence Academy Intro Video. 

 

And Michael is giving free presentations to church and school groups in metro Chicago.  Need a speaker at your next event?  And here is the first module in our 2012 Video Training Series - 23 Tips To Overcome Fear of Speaking In Public.

We are working on a new book for law students and new graduates and the job search.  And I held my first coaching sessions of the new year - making plans for the coming year.  Know any professionals who need an attitude adjustment?  I am offering lots of attitude training during the first quarter - one on one coaching sessions three or four times a month.  Let me know how I can help. 

About me:  I earned my J.D. from Duke University in 1993 and practiced law in Atlanta, Georgia until I moved to Chicago.  I am working on a book about overcoming daily fears, like the fear of speaking in public.  One day soon I am going to write the Great American Novel. 

I am a legal recruiter.  I learned the business at Major Lindsey & Africa beginning in 2007.  I also coach young professionals on their job search, goal setting, client development, career planning, and public speaking.  Coaching  Mackenzie & Welsh, LLC offers legal recruiting and career coaching services in Chicago, Atlanta/Savannah and NY/NJ/Philadelphia.  Legal Recruiting 

I am a licensed real estate salesperson, bringing my advocacy, attention to detail and professionalism to buyers and sellers of real estate in Chicago and the North Shore.  It's Your Home 

I also have a law practice focusing on real estate litigation, the rights of the family, advocacy for children and the elderly, and employment law.  I am licensed in Illinois and Georgia.  My law firm website/blog is here - It's Your Family. 

4 Things Female Associates Need To Know Up Front

From the June 9, 2010 Texas Lawyer magazine, here is a really nice article by Kathleen J. Wu on things every new female law school grad needs to know.  [go to article here]  Wu's points are as valuable for most young female associates as they are for new grads.  The most important one in my experience - Own your future.  Seriously.  If you don't own it, who does?

Wu's 4 points:

1.  Be grateful for this bad economy - it will make you more nimble and will make you appreciate the good times.

2.  Get real about balance.  It's a great concept, but not the easiest thing to implement.

3.  Own your future.

4.  Advocate for yourself - don't sell yourself short.

How Passionate Are You About What You Are Doing? - from Seth's Blog

As you may know by now, I am a big fan of passion in one's work.  I try to bring that to my own world and share that with anyone who will listen. 

I saw this article (Manifesto In Defense Of Raising Money  by Sasha Dichter) today in a blog post by Seth Godin, where he was introducing his new book Poke The Box.  I was drawn to the article by the suggestion that Dichter had written a provocative manifesto for non-profits.

Wow!  That is almost an understatement.  Dichter's article is a passionate embrace of raising money.  Why he does it.  Why it matters.  Seriously, this is a good read.  Read it to feel the guy's passion for what he does.  Read it to justify your pitch for fundraising when you are on the committee in charge of it.  Read it to understand the call from the non-profit representative who wants your donation.  [Download Manifesto In Defense Of Raising Money.  Dichter's blog is a pretty good read too, if you are interested.]

But even more, read it to spend a moment with a guy who really loves what he is doing. 

Here is his view on the huge fundraising success behind the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation:

Breast cancer has an unbelievable level of awareness in the United States, definitely ahead of all other cancers. Yet breast cancer is actually the 5th leading cause of cancer death in the United States, behind lung, stomach, liver and colon cancer.  So why does it get the most attention and the most funding?

It’s because of Nancy Brinker.  Nancy’s older sister Susan Komen died of breast cancer in 1980, at the age of 36, three years after being diagnosed with breast cancer. In her sister’s memory, Nancy Brinker created the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, which has since raised $1 billion for breast cancer research, education and health services – and promised to raise another $2 billion in the next decade. Breast cancer research is the best‐funded of all cancers, and that is because of Nancy Brinker’s leadership. Nancy decided that fighting breast cancer was worth fighting for. Because of her efforts, drastically more resources (public and private) are in play to find a cure.

This is not about competition for resources, this is about increasing the size of the pie.

We’ve seen an unprecedented growth in global wealth in the last two decades: there are currently 95,000 ultra‐high net worth individuals in the world – people with $30 million or more of investable assets.4 On top of that, there are more than $60 trillion worth of investment assets in the market today, with an increasing amount of this money thinking more long‐term about the big problems facing the world: energy and water scarcity, greenhouse gases, global commodity shortages, healthcare and education delivery, poverty alleviation…you name it.

The allocation of these resources matters.

A New Way Of Reading

Here is an preview piece from an article by Kevin Kelly in the August 2010 Smithsonian Magazine that discusses views of the future.  A New Way Of Reading  Kelly writes about the future of reading.

Photo is from Smithsonianmag.com by Brendan McCabe.

In case you haven't heard of Kevin Kelly, perhaps it would be best to stop reading here and go to one of his sites immediately - KK*.   Kelly is a thinker.  A big thinker.  And a writer.  He is prolific.  Writing about his big thoughts.  And small thoughts too.  Found some very useful gadgets in his posts.  But mostly I enjoy flying along with his thinking.

And today's post on the future of reading caught my attention.  I love to read.  I probably read a lot compared to most.  But earlier this year when the ipod added a Kindle Reader program as a free app, I got pretty excited.  And my reading pace picked up.  Then it was available on the Blackberry.  And I could read on the train even if I forgot to pack a book.  And then it was available on my Mac laptop, and I no longer had to read on a mini-paperback sized screen - the books were there for me to read whenever I had my laptop open, full sized, and portable. 

I just finished my sixth book since the end of May.  My sixth Kindle book since the end of May.  And I don't own a Kindle.

I am also reading two or three real paper books currently, and I pick them up when I remember them or if I pack them.  And I have a subscription to audible.com for books that I play on my ipod when I am on the road - am in the middle of several in that format.  But the convenience of having access to a growing library of ebooks, access on the train, or the plane, or at a cafe, or in bed, without having to carry a selection of books with me, is making it easier for me to read.

I am a big fan of having things be easier. 

Do you create your own luck?

Here is a post by Nadia Ballas-Ruta on the Think Simple Now blog on how to create your own luck.  I find it fascinating to look at the "lucky" among us and try to figure out how they got that way.  Of course, I don't buy the idea that some people are lucky and others unlucky.  Some people think I am extremely lucky.  Others don't think I have any luck at all.  It depends on your perspective.  All of it depends on your perspective. 

You can be lucky too. It's not difficult or magical. It just takes the proper perspective, and a willingness to look at life and your world a little differently.

Here are Nadia's suggestions:

1. Learn all you can about your area of focus - whether it is your job, your hobby, your art

2. 10,000 Hour Rule - it takes time

3. Visualize the success you seek (and take action!)

4. Surround yourself with people you wish to be like

5. Be kind

6. Be confident - strive for excellence

7. Visualize your lucky break

I totally agree with a lot of her ideas - be kind, be confident, strive for constant and never-ending improvement, learn, learn, learn, and visualize yourself succeeding.  It may take time.  A lot of time.  But you can be certain that those who don't see you doing these things may see your eventual success as being "lucky."  So just be lucky.

"Your attitude is all yours!" - thought for the day from Tom Peters

I am in the middle of reading "The Little Big Things" by Tom Peters.  In fact, I am probably only one quarter of the way into it, since today is day 41 of 164 days of installments sent to me by DailyLit.com.  Every few days the pages sent to me make me pause and say "hmmm." 

Today was one of those days.  

Peters can sometimes be over the top.  But that is the whole point, for him.  Today's post was about driving past two flagmen working on a Vermont highway on a hot steamy summer day.    One smiled and nodded a greeting, the other kept a surly sour face despite a wave of greeting.  No judgment was being passed by Peters, but the question was what was the mindset of flagman two that prevented him from giving a positive response?  Just lost his high paying job?  Wal-Mart laid him off?  Wife is made at him?  Bad head cold?  Something else?

Peters then shared a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. that is totally relevant and timely today in my life, in your life, and in the life of those around you.  Makes me, at least, go "hmmm."

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

Why do you do what you do? Great TED Talk by Simon Sinek

Here is a really nice presentation by Simon Sinek, the author of "Start With Why". He talks about the success of Apple Computers, and the proper use of your limbic brain.

Very interesting thoughts. Why are some people or companies successful at everything they do, and some not so much? What sets the successful apart?

The Supreme Court Could Use An Oboist

From the home delivery Chicago Tribune editorial page this morning comes a guest post from the LA Times columnist Meghan Daum on what could be the best measure for the next nominee to the United States Supreme Court.  Here is the link to the original in the LA Times (sister paper to the Trib) - The Supreme Court Could Use An Oboist.

Didn't know that oboists are the arbiter of all things, or that they get to set the A note that tunes the orchestra.  Lots of valuable insight in this essay.  Should clarify thinking going forward for the folks that get to exercise advice and consent (Wikipedia definition).

Are you on task?

If you are at all like me, you have a small issue with staying focused on the task at hand.  Bright shiny things - a new email from one of your favorite bloggers, a text from a buddy, new tweets, a Facebook message - keep you distracted for big blocks of the day.  It's a bad feeling to look up from browsing and realize the day is gone.  Without significant accomplishment.

Solutions?  When you find yourself distracted you could chant "om mani padme hum."  Or you could go to your To Do list and move some balls forward there.  You could take a walk around the block to get some fresh oxygen moving in your blood.  Focus remains a challenge for me. 

This morning one of those bright shiny emails (thank you Litemind.com) included a web page you can set as the home page, so it is the first thing you see when you click on your browser to start surfing.  I kind of like that idea.  Here is a screen shot:

 

Maybe The Ultimate Used Bookstore - Way Off Topic!

This is way off topic.  But it's one of those things that I really like.  So I wanted to share it here.

The Communicatrix is a blog about writing and Colleen, the hostess, frequently has interesting things to say there.  Today she writes about a used bookstore a couple hours outside of Los Angeles in the town of Ojai, Bart's Books.  Referral Friday: Bart's Books

OK, it's probably too far for a road trip from Chicago.  But, on my next cross country road trip west, I'm there. 

Here is the site if you want more info: Bart's Books - The World's Greatest Outdoor Bookstore.

Thank you for the link Colleen!

"That's The Way It Is." Mutts Cartoon by Patrick McDonnell

Genius In Advertising By Knopf Publishing - Sunday New York Times Book Review

When was the last time you saw an ad that made you stop and immediately want to buy the product?  Sunday, for me.

Pages 2 and 3 of the paper edition of the Sunday New York Times Book Review contained what I thought was a book review.  Please disregard the fact that I didn't notice the absence of a table of contents or the other stuff that comes at the beginning of the Book Review.  I didn't notice.  I thought it was a book review.  And I thought the reviewer chose to start the review by sharing the first pages of a new book, "The Man From Beijing" by Henning Mankell.  Good idea, I thought.  Waiting for the reviewer to start telling me how good it was.

Then the text stopped and I looked up and noticed the text was framed by an ad.  For Knopf Publishing and for this book.  Wow!  They got me.

But they got me on multiple levels.  Sure, I was lured into it.  I have heard of the book and was interested to read a review of it.  I liked the last couple of mysteries by Scandinavian author, Stieg Larsson.  This new one sounded interesting.

But the level they really got me on was how good the selected text was.  I didn't want to stop reading.  I wanted to buy the book there and then and start reading the rest of it.  I will buy it this week.  What got me was that Knopf didn't need to talk about it.  They just shared it.  And that was enough.

I dare anyone who likes a good mystery or a fun read to read those two pages of the print edition of the Sunday New York Times Book Review and not be hooked.

Lesson here - if you have a great product, don't talk about it.  Share it.  Let people see it, feel it, hear it, read it.  I am pretty confident this book is going to be popular.  Maybe because of all of the reviews.  Maybe because of the heat now in Scandinavian murder mysteries.  But probably mostly because this book is good.

At least the first pages I have read were good.  Really good.  I can't wait to read the rest.

What Is Happiness? Happiness Is Playing Ping Pong With A Laughing Ten Year Old

What is happiness?  It is a lot of things, depending on who you ask or when you ask it.

Ask me now.  OK.  Happiness is playing ping pong with my laughing, smiling, goofy and quick reflexed ten year old boy.  His laughter is contagious.  I wish I could bottle that.  Instead, I am going to put more time in the schedule to enjoy it.  And have the flexibility in the day to stop what I am doing and go downstairs for a match when he asks for one.

That is what happiness is.  Have you had some today?

Does Anything Actually Happen If You Are Not Keeping Track?

Have you ever had a day, or a week, or a month or more, go by without a memory of a single accomplishment?  I have had that thought more than once in recent years - it is a frightening thought, and one I have really tried to make sure I don't have very often.

Most likely, that thought isn't even true.  Every day of life on this planet is an accomplishment.  Every good night sugar from my little guy is an accomplishment.  So it depends on the definition.  It depends on what you mean by accomplishment.  But I spent thirteen years as a trial lawyer carefully keeping track of my time - I feel lost and unproductive if I don't have a daily record of the things I did.  It feels like nothing actually happened.  So when I look back and see blank pages, I wonder if I accomplished anything those days.

I used different systems over the years to track my time.  DayTimers offer great systems.  They come in notebooks with calendars and supplemental materials to assist in the process.  DayTimers are the commercial system I have been most successful with.  But even then, I find a couple days pass or a week, with nothing written down.  How does that happen?  Did anything even happen during that day or week?

Goal setting and goal achieving is a primary focus of my coaching process.  I find that the single best way to accomplish goals is to have a regular system in place for tracking your progress.  Daily tracking.  That means writing stuff down.  Every day. 

One of my resolutions for this year is eliminate blank page days.  Even days not spent working should be tracked.   In coming days I am going to show you a couple of the charts I use, and will make them available for download here. 

What are some of your techniques to avoid having blank page days?

Video Is Up! Only twenty takes later

Today I am finally able to post my first video, after twenty takes.  Try to avoid shaking your head wondering how the first nineteen turned out.  New technology in a little while will create better product.  Content is all me, and that is a work in progress.

The purpose of this video is to introduce myself.  More to come.

200th Post Today - Thank You!

This is my 200th post at Have No Fear.  A mini-milestone.  And still a work in progress.

I have been having an ongoing conversation with several people about the follower community I have been slowly growing, about whether it is real, about how real or how tangible that community is, and about what the value of that community is.  Sometimes it seems like a gauzy filament that you can't quite grab hold of.  It's out there.  You can see it.  You just can't touch it.  Or quantify its benefit or value.

Sometimes it seems likely that I am just talking to myself.  And that is fine too.

The point of this site, and of my sometimes related Twitter posts, is just to write.  To talk.  To the community.  To share who I am and what I am doing, for those of you who care.  To talk about things that interest me, and that may interest you. 

It is this slowly growing community from which I will meet a slice of my coaching clients, my lawyer candidates when law firms start hiring again, and my readers when I have completed the Have No Fear book, and future books and my Great American Novel.

So for my 200th post today, I want to say Thank You!  Thanks for reading.  Thanks for visiting.  I am grateful for your being part of my community. 

Does It Pay To Be Nice? Part Two

Following up on my earlier post from this morning, I want to make sure you are clear on my answer to the question.  Does it pay to be nice?  Yes, most of the time.

My being nice to those around me makes my world better.  Whether it is the positive energy created, the karma around me, or the subjective reactions to my niceness by those in receipt of it.  I don't know which it is that makes the world seem better.  

And I haven't done any scientific study of the practice.  It just works.  Life is better when you smile at people.

When I stand in line at the bank or the grocery store, and smile warmly saying "How are you doing today?" to the clerk, the transaction goes better.  I mean it, and the clerk knows it.  The clerk smiles back at me.  If there is any issue, it is usually resolved in my favor.  And people around the transaction notice and smile too.  I like to think of it as creating a bubble of happy that just follows me around.

Except when I am in the car.  Still working on that.

Is The Fear Of Being Judged A Catholic Thing?

Where does the fear of being judged come from?

Had a bit of an epiphany today when I caught myself shaking my head in judgment at a lady stopping traffic in both directions in front of me by making a k-turn/u-turn with her Acura SUV out of a parking spot.   So easy for me to be the judge of other people's driving.  Usually my ten year old is in the back seat ready to stop me, telling me to be nice, telling me it could be a little old lady or a youngster just learning.  He plays the role of the good angel over my right shoulder. 

But as I was shaking my head at this thirty year old lady, and caught myself doing so, it occurred to me that one of the things we all fear (or at least that I used to fear) is being judged by others and found wanting.  And as my son says, who am I to judge her driving?  Who are we to judge others?  Isn't that what we are all afraid of?

Where does that come from?  I answered myself by thinking of facing St. Peter at the gates of heaven.  And worrying whether I would be getting in.  For my part, the fascinating thing about this line of thinking is that I am no longer Catholic, and don't worry too much about being judged on the way to my afterlife.  It is the here and now that counts. 

But clearly I was trained well when I was young.  CCD.  Sunday morning mass.  Lots of Catholic friends.  And built in fears.

The fear of being judged seems to be the primary thread connecting my early fears of public speaking.  Maybe they connect some of your fears too.  How do you deal with that fear?

Fear of Failure - some ideas on how to deal with it

I am a big fan of Erica Douglass, a young internet entrepreneur, who has a blog at Erica.biz.  She is a good resource for business tips - she has had a lot of success online and frequently has valuable info to share (see my post Getting Things Done - the Mind Map from December - I learned about Mindmeister.com from her).  Today she has a guest post from Flexo that deals with overcoming fear - Fear of Failure - Here's How To Get Through It.

Flexo sets out a nice set of solutions.  The thing with solutions to overcoming fears is that the same kinds of solutions that allow us to handle one kind of fear tend to work on all fears.  And sometimes it comes down to how we define things in our world.  Take the word "fear" for instance.  Do we really mean worry?  Are we trying to overcome the worry of failing?  Or the worry of making the wrong decision?  Or the layers of worry built into public speaking? 

My current book project focuses on overcoming fears (or worries, or concerns, or roadblocks) that impact our daily lives.  These include:

Fear of the dark, of spiders, heights, snakes, asteroids, planet x, sun storms, etc.

Fear of the unknown or of change

Fear of what others think

Fear of making the wrong decision

Fear of public speaking

My primary focus is on how most of our fears coalesce around the fear of public speaking.  Not the fear of spiders or asteroids, of course.  But fear of failure, of the unknown, of other people's opinion, of being humiliated.  Each of these plays a part in our public speaking phobia.

So my radar is always active when it comes to learning of solutions.  Flexo's article deals with solutions well.  I especially like number four - be flexible and ready to adapt.  I try to always have a plan B available.

Thank you to Flexo and to Erica Douglass for today's post on her Erica.biz site.  Note the intro story about forgetting lines on a stage - I had that nightmare a few weeks back and I am not an actor.  Here is a detailed excerpt from the Flexo article:

Five Steps to Get Through Your Fear of Failure

Here are my suggestions for handling failure before and after it occurs so you are ready to bounce back:

1. Redefine the traditional concept of failure. There are no failures, only learning opportunities. Choose from a number of cliches that all say roughly the same thing. Like a top 40 record, these motivational nuggets about failure are overplayed and pedestrian, but truth lies within.

To be a successful entrepreneur, or a successful human being of any type, you can’t let major drawbacks discourage you. If you find it difficult to change your mindset by approaching a negative situation with a positive outlook, you are more likely to give up before realizing your potential.

2. Accept responsibility for your situation. As an entrepreneur or business owner, you have control of your situation. If you didn’t get the results you expected, you did something wrong. An individual might be inclined to blame others or the environment for negative outcomes while crediting himself for positive outcomes. However, someone who recognizes his role regardless of the outcome is more likely to succeed.

Since I generally write about personal finance, let me take an example from the financial industry. I’ve been speaking with and listening to the CEOs of major corporations over the last few years, and they all have something in common. In times of great prosperity, with their companies earning double-digit returns while watching their share prices soar, they are quick to credit their management and employees for wonderful talent and endless dedication.

But when their company begins losing money hand over fist, suddenly the cause of this despair is the “overall market” or “investor sentiment.” It is never the fault of management ill-prepared to handle their customers’ needs during any market cycle. If you are rationalizing your setbacks with similar reasons, you are in denial. Eliminate your excuses to succeed.

3. Learn from your mistakes. Once you’ve accepted responsibility, you will be in a position to fully analyze the path that led you to this point. Make a note of what you could do differently that might lead to a more favorable outcome. In some cases, the best options aren’t clear, and a certain amount of experimentation will help.

Communicate with people who are on a similar path or have succeeded in similar endeavors. You might be able to find some shortcuts by learning from other people’s mistakes, but your own experiences will always be the best teachers. Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it by making the same mistakes repeatedly.

4. Be flexible and quick to adapt. Be ready to react to changing trends, unclear customer needs, and your competition.

American car companies were not ready to adjust to a consumer marketplace that left Hummers behind in favorable of smaller, more cost-efficient and fuel-efficient vehicles. Their businesses suffered not only because they failed to predict the change in attitude, but because these companies took too much time before adapting.

5. Ignore negative influencers. It is important to surround yourself with believers. While being a success when everyone thinks you will fail makes a great public relations pitch, the truth is almost always different.