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Tips For Tuesday, March 23, 2010 - more tools for overcoming fear of public speaking

Tips For Tuesday, March 23, 2010 – more tools for overcoming fear of public speaking

Here are three more tools you can use to overcome your fears.  They have worked for me in the past and work for others who do this for a living.

13.  Identify with your audience – This really does work.  It takes a little effort, but it has benefits.  Think about the things you have in common with those you are getting ready to speak to.  Are you all students?  Is your topic something everyone cares deeply about?  Do you all have red hair?  Most carrying a Starbucks cup?  Find something.  And then reach out to that something and make a connection.

One of the best speakers I ever heard met me at the door of the hall before her talk.  She shook my hand, asked me a question or two, and bid me welcome.  As I entered the hall she turned to the next person and repeated the process.  At the time I thought it was a nice touch.

Then I learned that she really meant it as a way to connect.  Her to me and me to her.  She used our brief conversation in the body of her talk, and I am certain she used the bits she got from others in the talk too.  That was her way of connecting to me, identifying with me.  And of course, making me identify with her.

What are some of the ways you identify with your audience?

14.  Limit your topic – One of the biggest mistakes I see in speaking classes and in talks in general is where the speaker tries to cram as much information as possible into his or her allotted time.  Don’t do that!

More is not better when it comes to giving a talk.  As a general rule, this guide works best - focus on the two or three points that are most important, illustrate those points with a story or interesting facts or data, and share that with your audience.   Think of a Tony Robbins presentation.  (I have a couple to share with you if you don’t have a reference for that.)  Then think of the last speaker you listened to who droned on and on about something he wasn’t fired up about.  Which is more appealing?  Which will have a more lasting impact?

Think about trying to cover less.  Your audience will appreciate it.

15.  Be enthusiastic -   Seriously, if you aren’t fired up about what you are going to talk about, how can you expect your audience to be?  Pick a topic you care about.  Put your heart into the words.  Practice the delivery.  Do jumping jacks or something before you get up to talk to get your blood going.  And enthusiastically deliver!  One of the easiest ways to get over the fear, is to focus your energy on being enthusiastic.  Your brain can't do both fear and enthusiasm.  At least I don't think it can.

10 More Seats Have Been Added To March 20, 2010 Chicago Loop Workshop

We added space for ten more at the March 20, 2010 workshop in the Chicago loop.    Get more information and register at Seminars and Workshops

We also added a segment to the training to cover interviewing skills, which are closely related to public speaking skills.  Both involve a lot of personal presentation and require the building of confidence.  Building confidence is what we do.

We are postponing the March 27 workshop due to travel issues. 

Hope to see you on March 20.

Interviewing - How Is A Job Interview The Same As Public Speaking?

Have no fears about speaking in front of a crowd, but quake in your boots about interviewing for a job?  If you are fortunate, and endowed with self-confidence, maybe neither are problems for you.  But more and more I see people who have a problem with one or the other, or both, and don't know that the same set of skills are needed for both tasks.

Interviewing for a job and speaking in front of a crowd both boil down to one thing - getting across to the listener the benefits you offer.  What's in it for them?  You role in both cases is to make it clear.

How?  Be confident in your presentation.  Have confidence in the message you have to offer.

How do you do that?  Practice.  Prepare.  Be yourself.  And identify with your audience.  Make it absolutely clear what the benefit is.  Even if that means asking first.

One of the best techniques I know is to turn the tables on the interviewer.  Ask what benefit they expect to get from you six months or twelve months down the road.  And then talk about how you are the person who can get them that result.

Neither speaking before a crowd or interviewing for a job is easy.  Both take practice and preparation.  And both offer you the opportunity to be yourself and share your best self with the world.  Learn all you can about doing both.  We can help.

TED Talks - Taryn Simon photographs secret sites | Video on TED.com - worth seeing again

I am re-posting this one more time.  Mostly because it is truly worth seeing.  But also because she makes this page look better. 

Here is a nice example of speaking from notes. Taryn Simon at TED Talks   In this video, Taryn Simon speaks from notes in the first part, and then uses her photos as prompts in the second part.  The second part is more informal, but the whole presentation is clearly carefully prepared, more precise than conversational, and very well done with stunning visual aids.  Her measured articulation works well and is a nice contrast to the Guy Kawasaki keynote presentation I posted about earlier.

One More Time (It's Been 3 Months After All) - Tony Robbins at TED Talks - it never gets old

By popular demand, here is the video of Tony Robbins at a TED conference.  I have been told that this stuff is not for everyone.  Maybe he is over the top.  But learn from his energy.  Learn from his command of the stage.  Learn from his confidence.

Tips For Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - On Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking

Tips For Tuesday - 3 More On Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking

Here are 3 more tools I have used to overcome my own fear of public speaking.  I find these among the easiest for students to focus on.  Please let me know if these are in your toolkit or if you have other tools you use.

10.  Be Yourself

Don't try to be Tony Robbins, or Barack Obama, or Joel Osteen, or Oprah Winfrey.  Be yourself.  The audience is not expecting to hear Robbins or Obama or anyone else.  They are there to hear you.  Let them.

This goes along with the tip that you should realize the audience really wants you to do well.  They are there listening to you.  Give them your best.  And be authentic. 

The biggest danger of trying to sound like someone else is that it comes across as false and inauthentic.  Maybe Tina Fey can do it.  But you can't.  Or you shouldn't try in your efforts to find your voice.  After you get good at speaking, maybe there will be a time or a place for being someone else.  But a sure way to fall flat is to try to mimic Tony Robbins on the stage.  Robbins and the others are great at what they do for a reason - they do it a lot. 

Even a nervous, halting, authentic you is better than imitation.

11.  We are not looking for perfect.

Again, along the lines of the audience wanting you to do well, know that the audience is not expecting you to be perfect.  They are expecting you to be human.  And humans make mistakes.  Humans mis-speak.  Humans say "nuculear."  Humans get nervous.  It's ok.  Only in the crazy hyper-critical world of politics is there a price for being human.  When you are speaking in public, be human.  And don't fret over making a mistake.  Or two.

12.  Do not apologize.

Tiger Woods can apologize.  Politicians who err can apologize.  You, a novice speaker making a presentation, should not include an apology as part of your speech.

I see this over and over again with students.  They start or end speeches with an apology.  Why?  As filler.  As a nervous twitch.  To seek absolution for their anticipated flaws.

Don't do it.  First, it is wholly unnecessary.  No one cares about the flaws, if any.  Probably like I said earlier, we didn't even notice.  Second, it takes away from your presentation.  Makes us think something might have been wrong that we missed.  Don't give the audience a reason to doubt the greatness of your speech.  Just be great.  Or human.  And don't say you are sorry for it.

Want To Know The Secret? The TED Commandments – rules every speaker needs to know

I always knew there was a secret to why the TED Talks presentations were so uniformly good.  I thought that it was the speakers.  Experts all, each in a fascinating niche.  Or maybe the visual aids.  Or the technology.  Now I find out that as early as 2008 a list of Commandments has been floating around.  The TED Commandments – rules every speaker needs to know. 

Seriously, these ten rules are the guide to live by if you are planning to speak to a group.  Print them and put them on your wall.

My favorites:
3.  Thou Shalt Reveal Thy Curiosity And Thy Passion
4.  Thou Shalt Tell A Story
9.  Thou Shalt Not Read Thy Speech

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen To Me? Overcoming The Fear Of Public Speaking

So who am I and how do I presume to have anything to teach you about speaking in public?  Probably if you are asking that question, you don't need my assistance and it doesn't matter who I am.

But in the event you are curious as to who I am, you ought to know that in many ways I am you.  If you dread getting up in front of a group, even a group of six or so, I am with you.  If you have deep fears of what others will think of what you have to say or how you say it, I have been there and share your pain.  If your face flushes, your hands sweat and your mouth goes dry as you approach the podium, been there, done that.

And I survived.  As you will.

My workshops and my techniques are not calculated to prepare a legion of orators.  I am pretty sure I won't be training the next Barack Obama or Joel Osteen.  Those guys didn't learn their skills from me or someone like me.

My deal is that I have been the one scared stiff, shaking, hyperventilating.  I was the fifth grader playing the role of a tree or a rock or a camel or something, a non-speaking role, facing an audience of parents, pretty much the friendliest non-judgmental audience you can get.  Shaking and afraid.  Almost unable to go out on stage.

I was the alter boy who was afraid to light the candle because my hands were shaking, afraid to pull bell-duty because I might ring too early or too late or too long or miss the cue entirely.

Now, 40 years later, I have something to share with those of you who shared my stage fright.  There are ways to ease the dread.  There are tips and techniques that work in overcoming the fear of public speaking.  I share those here on this blog and I teach them in my workshops. 

I am about to share them with a group of new lectors at my local church.

It is all about practice.  And preparation.  And changing your perception of the task.  And controlling your state.  And practice.  And a bunch of other things that you can learn and use the next time you speak in front of a group.

Let me know if you would like my assistance.

Video Introduction Of Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking Workshops In Metro Chicago

Mark Your Calendars In Metro Chicago - Speaking Workshops Set for March 20 and 27

Are you ready for some March Madness?  No?  OK, well how about a full day workshop on overcoming your fear of public speaking and gaining some comfort talking in front of a group?

I am very excited to announce today that our first two workshops of 2010 are going to be held on March 20 in the loop downtown Chicago and on March 27 in Skokie.  More details of the venues will follow shortly.  I am also going to post a video to introduce the workshops.

Space is going to be limited for these two events - 25 to 30 in the loop, 45 to 50 in Skokie.  You can sign up by going to the PayPal form at the following page. Seminars and Workshops  Make sure you send a confirmation email to msw@mackenziewelsh.com after signing up so I can reserve your spot.

The workshops will be from 8:30 am to 5:00 pm.  We will spend a part of the day learning tools and tips to get you out there on the stage talking with confidence.  We will spend the better part of the day talking out loud.  Everyone.  And unless you sleep through the sessions, you will feel the difference.  The workshops have one goal in mind - to help you gain the skills you need to start speaking in public with confidence.

A word of caution - this seminar is not going to train you to be an actor or an orator.  If you already feel comfortable speaking in front of groups, this might not be for you.  This seminar is also not going to be getting you speaking gigs.  That is not what I do.  You are going to have to get your own speaking gigs.

But the day-long events will be fun, and I guarantee that you will benefit from attending.

More info will come soon.

3 Tips For Tuesday, February 9, 2010 - On Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking

3 Tips For Tuesday - On Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking

Here is the third installment of Tips For Tuesday, with three more tips from my Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking presentation.  I look forward to hearing from you about your experience with these, or about some of the techniques you use.

7.  See friends and family in the audience.  This tip kind of depends on who you choose to see.  Some families, and sometimes friends, aren’t the supportive, non-judgmental crowd you want to speak in front of.  Think of those in your life who are supportive of you, who don’t judge you.  Imagine they are out there in the audience.  See them.  And direct your opening statements to them.  Once you get rolling, you won’t need them out there anymore.  It’s all about momentum.

8.  Do not memorize your talk.  Really and truly, this is about the worst strategy to take if you want to overcome any fear you have about speaking in public.  Almost no good can come of this approach. 

First, memorizing your talk puts you in the position of needing to recall it all on the spot.  The added pressure this will place on you will outweigh any imagined benefit.  What if you forget something?  What if you lose your place?  Unless you are performing in a play or reciting poetry like Saul Williams, you don’t need to and should not memorize every word.  I promise you that it won’t help.

Second, reciting a speech from memory almost always leads to a dry, rote, uninteresting presentation.  Your brain will be so focused on the words you memorized, and perhaps a memorized intonation here and there, that the overall recitation will be wooden.  It will sound like you memorized it.  And that won’t be good.

Instead, try to memorize your cues for scanning the audience, or your cues for using your visual aids, or your cues for taking a drink of water or catching your breath.  Or better yet, put the energy you would have spent on memorizing towards practicing your presentation, preparing your notes, or working on your visual aids.

9.  Do not think negative thoughts.  You are in control of the thoughts in your head.  Block negative thoughts from your mind before getting ready to speak.  Focus as much as possible on positive thoughts, thoughts of a successful speech, thoughts of connecting with the audience, and thoughts of confidence.  I am big believer in the power of positive thinking.  It really works.  If you need to, find a resource of positive images. 

Negative thoughts are contagious and dangerous.  Avoid them.  Do not let them play a role in your public speaking preparation.

3 Tips For Tuesday - On Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking - Feb. 2

Tips For Tuesday

Here are three more tips that I have relied on to overcome my fears of speaking in public.  Please let me know if you use any of these in your own speaking  experience.

4.  You are not alone in your fear of speaking in public.  This is a difficult concept to keep in your head as you are preparing to speak to a crowd.  But it is true.  Most of the people in your audience have been afraid of getting up in front of a crowd.  Many probably still have that fear.  You are not alone, and that should give you some measure of comfort.  You share that with your audience.  So maybe you can use it as a way to connect, even just silently.  Know it.  And take comfort from it.

5.  Most people want you to succeed.  This is related to number 4.  Most of the audience wants you to succeed.  They are not sitting there watching for mistakes, hoping for a stumble.  This isn’t a NASCAR race – we aren’t waiting for the big crash.

Most of us have endured long, boring and passionless speeches.  We don’t want that.  We want you to knock yours out of the park.  Be interesting.  Be fun.  We are rooting for you.  In our common interest in listening to a good presentation, you should take some comfort.  Not only are you not alone in your fears, your audience is predisposed to be on your side.  Take advantage of that.  Give them something they will remember.

6.  Act Confident.  I know this may be easier said than done.  But it really works.  This goes along with number 3 from last week – Your audience really cannot see how nervous you are.  Acting confident makes you look confident.  But it also gets you past the initial stage fright.  You are out there, having acted confident, standing tall at the podium launching into your speech. 

The act gets you momentum.  Really.  It does.  And once you get going, you can relax into your topic.  It’s like getting a rolling start on a bike – with momentum it is easier to find your balance, and then you are riding.  Use that to get going.  And then it’s easy.

How about you?  Do you use these?  What are some of the tools you use?

Need A Refresher? Great TED Presentation By Master Presenter Lawrence Lessig

Need a refresher on making a powerful presentation? You can do no better than to watch Dr. Lawrence Lessig, a law professor and activist, here at a 2007 TED event. This presentation is used far and wide as the model for Power Point use. For our purposes, it is also valuable for his conversational manner, his complete control over his topic, and for his total confidence in the presentation.

3 Tips For Tuesday - On Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking

Where do you turn for pointers when you have a talk to give?  I am not speaking now to those who give talks for a living.  I am speaking to those of you who talk in front of others rarely, infrequently enough that you forgot what worked last time you had to do it.

My intention with this blog is to be one of your resources.  You can find a wealth of great examples of confident and articulate speeches and presentations in the TED Talks category in the left sidebar.  Each of the videos profiled there, or found at the TED site, are excellent tools to watch and learn from.  Learn from the conversational style and the confidence you see there.

Today, I begin a series called "Tips For Tuesday."  Some of these posts will be by video.  Some will be lists.  I invite you to add your own tips in the comments below, or tell me what worked for you and what did not.

3 Tips For Tuesday - On Overcoming Fear Of Public Speaking

1.  Control your state.  You are in charge of your own state of mind.  Control it.  I know, easy to say.  But really, you are the only one in there, in your head.  If you are not, you have a different set of issues that I cannot address here. 

There are a number of ways to control your state.  The ones that work best for me are: deep breathing, meditation, doing deep knee bends or taking a good focused walk.  Slow down your heart rate.  Slow down your breathing.  And move your body.  As Tony Robbins says, motion controls emotion.  If you want high energy in your pitch, do jumping jacks right before you talk.  Smile big to yourself.  Bounce around.  If you want calm, breath slowly and deeply. 

When you take charge of your state of mind in advance of presenting, you gain confidence and project the energy you intended.

2.  Visualize success.  Seriously.  Visualize the crowd ten minutes or thirty minutes later smiling, clapping, responding positively to what you are getting ready to say.  See yourself giving an articulate well reasoned presentation.  Hear yourself speaking out with confidence.  And then go do it.

3.  Know this - your audience cannot see how nervous you are in most cases.  And they probably aren't even looking for that.  This was one of the most difficult things for me to get.  I always thought of myself as a nervous wreck, sweating, turning red, mumbling through a parched mouth.  Some of the time I probably was all of that.  Especially in front of my first few juries when I was a trial lawyer.  How could they not see?

They can't see it because we tend to exaggerate.  We think we are showing the world our fear.  We think the audience can see it, and that they are focusing on it.  They aren't.  Really.  And most of the time, you don't really appear nervous.  And moreover, a lot of your audience shares your fears - which means they have a few things on their minds other than looking for your weaknesses.  Like being thankful they aren't up in front of the crowd speaking.

What do you think?  Have you tried these tools before?

The Science Of Aging - TEDx Talk by Dan Buettner - A Great Presentation For The Study Of Public Speaking Skills

Here is an interesting talk at a TEDx event in St. Paul, Minnesota. Dan Buettner talks about lifestyle and its affect on living longer.  It is a great presentation of science in an understandable, conversational manner.   I found it at Presentation Zen today.  This talk is entertaining and educational by itself.  Buettner has a lot to teach us about the science of aging.  But for my purpose, this talk is worth studying solely for his technique. 

Speaking when you aren't prepared

Here is a short example of Caroline Kennedy speaking informally, and clearly on something she wasn't prepared for.  I found this c/o Diane DiResta (DiResta Communications).

The point is not that Caroline Kennedy can't speak well in public. She can. That family has a gift at it. Or maybe a lot of practice.

And to be fair, this clip is from an interview or q & a of some sort and is kind of informal.

My point in showing this is that you need to be aware of how you look when you aren't adequately prepared. This is why practicing and videotaping the practice is so valuable. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Practice, practice, practice.

So what are you afraid of?

I am curious.  What are you afraid of?  What keeps you up at night? 

One of the first steps in overcoming fear is identifying exactly what it is we are afraid of.

I am going to share in these posts some (not all!) of the things that I was afraid of and talk a bit about how or if I have been able to overcome that fear.  As always, your thoughts, comments and suggestions, or your shared fears/solutions, are welcome.

The big one for me was the fear of talking in public.  There are many elements to this particular issue, and those elements probably are connected by many threads to other issues.  This isn't a psychological study forum, or a venue for me to dwell on baggage.  But the fear of public speaking probably connected to issues of self-image (yeah, me??), confidence, habit, and preparation.

Probably everyone has some fear of looking like a fool, of being humiliated on a public stage.  So let's deal with that first.  Where does that come from?  Not asking doctors in the house.  Just asking.

My son hasn't had it up to now, but I can see some of that creeping in.  So maybe it is peer oriented.  If your classmates have as a ritual making fun of someone who puts themself out there, are you going to put yourself out there?  Kids can be really tough.  Mean sometimes.  Without really intending to.  Just having fun. 

My son used to be able to stand up in front of large audiences and talk about anything that was on his mind.  Did it at Disney World once in front of an audience full of strangers.  Maybe he got so comfortable at it because he got totally positive response whenever he did it.  Now he is in fourth grade, and there is a bit of a push back from classmates.  So now he is a little more cautious.  Not afraid yet.  But hesitant.

Is that where we learn to be afraid to speak in public?  In elementary school at the hands of our peers?

500 TED Talks in a spreadsheet - the ultimate public speaking resource

From Twitter traffic today comes a resource as valuable as Dale Carnegie's The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking.  Not kidding.  I have posted it here as a direct link and as an Excel Spreadsheet.  500 TED Talks / Download TEDTalks as of 10.26

Many who know me or who read this site know I am a big fan of TED. 

Here you will find the link, the speaker, the title of the talk and a summary.  I haven't seen all of these talks.  Not even a fraction of these talks.  But 100% of those I have seen are outstanding.  Every one of them teaches.  Every one demonstrates elements, often many elements, of effective and compelling public speech.  What a great resource!  Thank you to the people at TED Talks for assembling it.  And to @zecool (Ze Cool Blogue) , @fogfish (Fogfish) , and @amysbryant (iPlayBIG) for pointing me to it.

Tips on better presentations, from survey by Chris Brogan

Andrew Dlugan - Six Minutes - culled through survey results generated by Chris Brogan - Speaking Advice From Twitter - when Brogan asked his readers - "Give me YOUR 3 things you wish speakers would do better, or not do at all!"  Andrew has a nice summary analysis here - Speaker Do's and Don'ts. 

The three most important suggestions:

• Be engaging; Involve the audience; Conversation not presentation
• Do not read the slides
• Focus on the message; avoid lengthy self-promotion

Nothing turns off listeners faster than a boring, monotone speaker reading from an outline or off a Power Point presentation.  Even worse is when the speaker is animated but the topic is really one big sales pitch that you were not expecting.

Six Minutes blog is a site I really enjoy visiting.  Dlugan consistently puts up quality content that will help your public speaking.  It is a site worth bookmarking.

"How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience" - Duarte Blog » Blog Archive » Book Review: The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs

Ok, so I am a bit of a Steve Jobs groupie.  When I grow up I am going to figure out how to grow a beard and wear dark turtlenecks. 

sourece - Business Week/Duarte Blog

So I was pleased when I came across Nancy Duarte's book review of Gallo's The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs.  Duarte Blog » Blog Archive » Book Review: The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs.  Duarte's introduction includes this:

Carmine Gallo has studiously observed Steve Job’s presentations and has cracked the code! The book is much deeper than just Job’s delivery style, Gallo has codified it into practical lessons and insights around content construction and corporate theater. He covers insights from Steve’s entire journey at Apple. Gallo also sprinkled in non-Apple examples that help you see how you too can apply the lessons from Steve Jobs’ playbook. The book is broken down into three acts:

* Act 1: Create the Story

* Act 2: Deliver the Experience

* Act 3: Refine and rehearse

If you are interested in digging deeper into presentations, or getting some refresher points in advance of your own presentation, this book looks to be a great resource.  Wonder if it is available for my ipod touch Kindle program?